meet me or not, i'm out of control
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
