tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I supernannyed him into submission
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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