i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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