the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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