i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
