Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
COCAINE IS GR8
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
