he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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