would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
