Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
