you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
