I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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