is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
