you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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