Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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