what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
