i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
