Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
