Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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