i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
