I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
