I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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