we have pet lesbian snakes
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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