great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
