Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
