he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
