hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
