We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
