chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
