I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
