dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
