I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
