Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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