Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
