I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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