I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
