Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there