Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dating After Heartbreak
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.