The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize