I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.