this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
