So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.