I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
