i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
