Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
