I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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