please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
