can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
