Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
