I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
