he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Blood and glitter go together right?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
