I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
