what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
