I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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