how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
