I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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