got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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