party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
