your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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