The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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