I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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