Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
