He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
