Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
