There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
