On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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