his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
