I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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