just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
