I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Floor bacon is actually really good
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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