So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
